Well....the calm has broken. It has shattered loudly into a million shards, landing at my feet and in my face. Hello, once again, to the perfect storm that is my life, our life.
My delinquent son is billowing about creating a violent wind which brings anxiety, anger, hurt and frustration. It has shattered my moment of peace. It began oh so slowly. First we noticed he wasn't hanging out with the "clean" kids as much. Then not at all. He quit Lacrosse and became more belligerent and agitated. He pushed us to give one kid, whom we'd been warned about, a chance. After all he had been to rehab and he had no other friends. I'm a true believer in second chances so we layed out a plan with requirements that needed to be met before we would meet him and allow my devil child to hang with him. None of the requirements were met. The mood was changing quickly. Then the call from the Vice Principal at the High School. He was caught chewing tobacco in class. Five days suspension with three off if he wrote an essay with facts and the evils of tobacco. He swears this was his first use of the stimulant. I knew different. When approached he responded vehemently. How dare I accuse him and call him a liar.
I admit I spent the next week or so being angry and disgusted with him. We had agreed to honesty and openness and he was being deceitful, sneaky and disrespectful. Well, at least he wasn't smoking pot or using other drugs, you might be thinking. This is true, of course. The weekly drug tests have all been negative. This is just another sign of his inherent addictive personality and/or gene that occupies his skinny little body. It's one more feather in his cap and one more dagger to my heart. I feel a deep intense sadness. The knowledge that it's never going to end with him. That he'll struggle all his life and that only HE can change that fact. The sadness that it's really out of my hands. I have no control over my offspring, I'm watching him plummet from the nest unassisted, not sure where he will land. Such a powerful feeling of helplessness.
He finally came to us with an admission of guilt over the tobacco. He even took it upon himself to speak with a school counselor about how to deal with this new addiction. That was impressive. We agreed upon a regime of nicotine gum, regulated by us, of course. Needless to say it's not working. At the same time his behavior continues getting uglier. I am feeling exhausted, that heavy feeling in my bones is weighing me down. Where to next??? If anyone has an answer please, please, please share it with me!
My delinquent son is billowing about creating a violent wind which brings anxiety, anger, hurt and frustration. It has shattered my moment of peace. It began oh so slowly. First we noticed he wasn't hanging out with the "clean" kids as much. Then not at all. He quit Lacrosse and became more belligerent and agitated. He pushed us to give one kid, whom we'd been warned about, a chance. After all he had been to rehab and he had no other friends. I'm a true believer in second chances so we layed out a plan with requirements that needed to be met before we would meet him and allow my devil child to hang with him. None of the requirements were met. The mood was changing quickly. Then the call from the Vice Principal at the High School. He was caught chewing tobacco in class. Five days suspension with three off if he wrote an essay with facts and the evils of tobacco. He swears this was his first use of the stimulant. I knew different. When approached he responded vehemently. How dare I accuse him and call him a liar.
I admit I spent the next week or so being angry and disgusted with him. We had agreed to honesty and openness and he was being deceitful, sneaky and disrespectful. Well, at least he wasn't smoking pot or using other drugs, you might be thinking. This is true, of course. The weekly drug tests have all been negative. This is just another sign of his inherent addictive personality and/or gene that occupies his skinny little body. It's one more feather in his cap and one more dagger to my heart. I feel a deep intense sadness. The knowledge that it's never going to end with him. That he'll struggle all his life and that only HE can change that fact. The sadness that it's really out of my hands. I have no control over my offspring, I'm watching him plummet from the nest unassisted, not sure where he will land. Such a powerful feeling of helplessness.
He finally came to us with an admission of guilt over the tobacco. He even took it upon himself to speak with a school counselor about how to deal with this new addiction. That was impressive. We agreed upon a regime of nicotine gum, regulated by us, of course. Needless to say it's not working. At the same time his behavior continues getting uglier. I am feeling exhausted, that heavy feeling in my bones is weighing me down. Where to next??? If anyone has an answer please, please, please share it with me!
