Early Days

Working, raising three little boys and caring for a depressed spouse took there toll on me and the household.  My husband was in denial about his disease state and became moody, stressed and unpredictable.  I sought out help, joined foundations and participated in fundraising events and researched ways in which to slow the disease process.  He would have nothing to do with any of it.  I worked hard to keep the household stress free and quiet so he could sleep.  You see, he also worked a night shift which was even more detrimental to his health.  One of my biggest mistakes....giving a busy, demanding toddler his way to keep things quiet.  I helped create a monster and by the time I realized it he was 6 years old.  In that time I experienced and lived through a gambling addiction of my husbands, depression, unfaithfulness, two stints away in a gambling rehab clinic, GA meetings every week, a separation, a divorce, and the constant care and attention of 3 boys very involved in sports and school.  Looking back, I still can't believe I did it all.  Especially due to the financial woes we now had due to the compulsive gambling issue.  The house fell into disrepair, I gained 20lbs and had began suffering from anxiety attacks.  Through all of this we continued giving baby number three his way, just to make life a bit more bearable. 


I'm not sharing this for want of sympathy. The beauty of it all is that I made it through, persevered, got healthy, kept my home and was able to raise my children. I had my faith and some very special friends who helped me.


One thing remained:  GUILT.  And he knew it!