Time Away Will Be Good For All of Us!! Famous Last Words.

Holiday with my boy! It began alright, we were all excited to get away.  Traveling to two different countries we had never visited before, to see my eldest son and his adorable wife and visit with my precious aging in laws. I was naive and just plain blinded to the absolute severity of my boys problems.

For the first time I witnessed with open eyes that his problems were more than behavioral. Mental health issues were not a place I could imagine myself going. To have a "crazy"or a "psycho" for a child.  I guess the stigma and all that goes along with that have kept me from looking in that direction all these years. But I did see it very clearly...it was as if the blinds were opened to one of those beautiful crisp sunshiny days where the sky looks so blue , the grass so vividly green ,and all the colors of nature sparkle. Unfortunately the picture that was revealed to me wasn't as nice. It was more like a nightmare. The difference being it's with me whether I'm asleep or awake. What made matters worse was that I realized how much this has affected my other children and the tremendous guilt I have for putting them through it. All due to my naivety or stupidity.

We have begun the long slow journey of mental health assessments, tests, the writing of very big checks and time off work. In the mean time he continues medicating himself and flipping out when his drug of choice is out of reach. We are all on a roller coaster of insanity. Insane. That is the new realm I feel like I have entered. It's not a nice place!