It's been raining for three days. So much for day light savings time. It has been dark all day. And so has my mood.
I calmly told my son that until he quits drugs, follows house rules, is respectful and becomes an active member of the household that I will do nothing for him. I refuse to be battered and beaten by him. I will give him access to all I legally am obligated to: health care,food,clothing,shelter and education. Nothing more. He doesn't seem to bothered, although he did complain about having to make himself dinner last night. Now he sleeps on the sofa after school. He arrived home late, stoned as usual. No explanation as to where he was. Then again, I already know.
I feel beaten down. I have been battling a cold and fever, pulled muscles in my back and having hormonal issues. All made worse by the amount of stress we are all under. I feel like I'm in a dark hole, slowly having the life squeezed out of me. Helpless and out of control. At the same time I have a lump deep inside my chest that is growing. A panic that I have to do something. I just want to love him and give him a great childhood. When every word out of his mouth is a lie or an insult how is it possible? If I give him his way then all would be peaceful. I cannot condone behaviors that are detrimental to his health and welfare, I cannot turn a blind eye and live with myself. He's actually asked me to do it. If he's not physically addicted to pot then he is definitely psychologically addicted. He's willing to lie, steal and sell his belongings for it. My heart is heavy. I pray for peace. I pray for light.
I calmly told my son that until he quits drugs, follows house rules, is respectful and becomes an active member of the household that I will do nothing for him. I refuse to be battered and beaten by him. I will give him access to all I legally am obligated to: health care,food,clothing,shelter and education. Nothing more. He doesn't seem to bothered, although he did complain about having to make himself dinner last night. Now he sleeps on the sofa after school. He arrived home late, stoned as usual. No explanation as to where he was. Then again, I already know.
I feel beaten down. I have been battling a cold and fever, pulled muscles in my back and having hormonal issues. All made worse by the amount of stress we are all under. I feel like I'm in a dark hole, slowly having the life squeezed out of me. Helpless and out of control. At the same time I have a lump deep inside my chest that is growing. A panic that I have to do something. I just want to love him and give him a great childhood. When every word out of his mouth is a lie or an insult how is it possible? If I give him his way then all would be peaceful. I cannot condone behaviors that are detrimental to his health and welfare, I cannot turn a blind eye and live with myself. He's actually asked me to do it. If he's not physically addicted to pot then he is definitely psychologically addicted. He's willing to lie, steal and sell his belongings for it. My heart is heavy. I pray for peace. I pray for light.
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