I can't tell you how lonely one feels living with a problemed teenager. I have changed a lot in the last couple of years. Today while examining my face in the mirror I saw "age" in my eyes. The exhaustion of constantly dealing with my child, the turmoil in the house, working and keeping everyone happy. I am not the happy-go-lucky woman I used to be. My sunny and positive outlook on life have been crushed. I feel like a part of me dies every day with the stress. I am a ghost of who I once was.
The boy of mine? Since his accident in December the storm has returned. He was one of three passengers in a speeding car, they were all drunk, they stole the beer, and my son didn't have his seat belt on. Not only that, he lied, disobeyed and knowingly got into a car with a driver who was drinking. Does that sound like a person who should be allowed the right to get behind the wheel of a car. Exactly! That is why I tore up the contract we had allowing him to get his drivers permit. Recently he calmly told me, "Since I can't drive now I might as well start smoking pot again." And that's exactly what he's doing.
Unfortunately marijuana doesn't work well with his system. His anxiety has returned, he's not sleeping well, he's mean, he has anger outbursts and continues to batter me with his words. The tears are coming once again as I share the recent vileness that came out of his mouth. I am a f_____ b___ wh____. I picture his adorable little face as a toddler running around the back yard. How sweet it was. Where has all that sweetness gone? It's as if a thief came one night and ripped it from his tall skinny body. To imagine that anyone would ever call me names like he has. I have lived my entire life for him and his brothers, given all the love I have. My heart, once again, has been torn from my chest.
Will I forever remain a ghost?
The boy of mine? Since his accident in December the storm has returned. He was one of three passengers in a speeding car, they were all drunk, they stole the beer, and my son didn't have his seat belt on. Not only that, he lied, disobeyed and knowingly got into a car with a driver who was drinking. Does that sound like a person who should be allowed the right to get behind the wheel of a car. Exactly! That is why I tore up the contract we had allowing him to get his drivers permit. Recently he calmly told me, "Since I can't drive now I might as well start smoking pot again." And that's exactly what he's doing.
Unfortunately marijuana doesn't work well with his system. His anxiety has returned, he's not sleeping well, he's mean, he has anger outbursts and continues to batter me with his words. The tears are coming once again as I share the recent vileness that came out of his mouth. I am a f_____ b___ wh____. I picture his adorable little face as a toddler running around the back yard. How sweet it was. Where has all that sweetness gone? It's as if a thief came one night and ripped it from his tall skinny body. To imagine that anyone would ever call me names like he has. I have lived my entire life for him and his brothers, given all the love I have. My heart, once again, has been torn from my chest.
Will I forever remain a ghost?
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